Texas simmers as evacuation problems mount

THOUSANDS STUCK IN TRAFFIC
IN 95 DEGREE HEAT!

"This is the worst planning I've ever seen," said Judie Anderson, who covered just 45 miles in 12 hours after setting out from her home in the Houston suburb of LaPorte. "They say we've learned a lot from Hurricane Katrina. Well, you couldn't prove it by me."

PANIC AT AIRPORTS AS PEOPLE TRY
TO BOARD PLANES UNTICKETED!

At a news conference today, an exasperated Houston Mayor Bill White informed the public of the loss of workers at Bush Intercontinental and Hobby airports, urging people to rule out air travel unless they have a reservation and to expect delays of up to five hours.

BUSH TO VISIT TEXAS PRIOR
TO HURRICANE'S LANDFALL!

President George W. Bush will tour southeast Texas Friday and thank emergency workers who are gearing up for Hurricane Rita, which could reach Texas by the weekend.