Exerpts from Al Franken's New Book

A preview of Al Franken's new book: "The Truth (with jokes)"

Iraq: They told us that when we invaded, we'd be greeted with sweets and flowers. They left out the crucial modifier: "exploding."

Gay marriage: George W. Bush wants to amend our Constitution to make it illegal for gays to marry. But evidently, he has no problem with terrorists getting married. America can't afford a president who is soft on terrorist marriage. Because unlike gays, terrorists can breed.

Bill Frist diagnosing Terri Schiavo from 800 miles away: The FristCam Act of 2005 would place a video camera in every one of America's Intensive Care Units. The FristCams would pan the ICUs, and the Senate Majority Leader would give each patient a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down.

Bush's 9/11 bait and switch: Bin Laden must have been furious. Here he had gone to all this trouble to murder thousands of Americans, and Saddam---Saddam, the infidel!---was getting all the credit! Who was the head of al Qaeda?! Who was funding al Qaeda?! Somewhere along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border there was a very angry terrorist mastermind.

Moral values: From what I understand, if you cut out all the passages in the Bible where Jesus talks about the poor, about helping out the least among us, you'd have the perfect container to smuggle Rush Limbaugh's drugs in.

The Social Security "crisis": The number Bush kept using, $11 trillion, represented the total shortfall from now until the year Infinity. If you think about it, $11 trillion over Infinity years is nothing. Over the first 11 trillion years, that's just one dollar a year. Easy. After that, it's over. You're done. What, exactly, is the problem?